Couples Therapy
You can love each other and still not know how to be together.
Partnership is one of the hardest things we take on as adults. We expect ourselves to know how to do it, but most of us were never actually taught.
Maybe you love each other but keep ending up in the same fights. Maybe one of you reaches for connection while the other shuts down. Maybe you've become more like roommates than partners. Maybe you're struggling with sex, trust, commitment, parenting, or a decision about where this relationship is going.
Or maybe nothing is terribly wrong—you just know that something isn't working as well as you'd like.
You don't have to wait until your relationship is falling apart to get help.
When things get intense, I don't scare easily.
Couples can bring a lot into the room. Anger. Fear. Tears. Defensiveness. Withdrawal. Sometimes one person is desperate to be heard while the other can't take one more word.
I'm comfortable there.
I pay attention to what is happening between you in real time—not just the story each of you has about the other person. I'll help you slow things down enough to understand what's actually happening, stay connected when things get hard, and recognize the older patterns underneath the immediate conflict.
I won't take sides, and I won't ask you to pretend everything is fine.
We'll work with what's actually happening between you.
I am a Level 2 PACT therapist. PACT—the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy—draws on attachment theory, developmental psychology, and neurobiology to understand how couples respond to one another, particularly under stress.
But you don't need to know anything about PACT for it to work.
The important part is that we don't just talk about your relationship. We pay attention to it while you're in the room together.
You might discover that what looks like anger is actually fear. That what looks like withdrawal is protection. That the fight you're having about the dishes isn't really about the dishes.
And rather than simply understanding the pattern, we'll practice doing something different.
Together, we'll work toward:
Couples come to me for all kinds of reasons.
You might be:
I work with couples of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and gender expressions.
Sometimes there isn't a crisis.
Sometimes couples come in convinced that something is terribly wrong because they're finally saying things out loud that they've been avoiding for years.
Sometimes the relationship isn't ending. It's getting more honest.
You may discover that neither of you really knows that much about intimacy, conflict, or how to stay connected when things get difficult. That's not a failure. Those are skills you can learn.
My job isn't to decide whether you should stay together. My job is to help you get honest enough, connected enough, and grounded enough to make that decision for yourselves.
Let's see what's possible.
You don't need to arrive knowing exactly what's wrong or what you want to do about it. A consultation is a chance for us to talk about what's happening and get a sense of whether working together feels like a good fit.
Partnership is one of the hardest things we take on as adults. We expect ourselves to know how to do it, but most of us were never actually taught.
Maybe you love each other but keep ending up in the same fights. Maybe one of you reaches for connection while the other shuts down. Maybe you've become more like roommates than partners. Maybe you're struggling with sex, trust, commitment, parenting, or a decision about where this relationship is going.
Or maybe nothing is terribly wrong—you just know that something isn't working as well as you'd like.
You don't have to wait until your relationship is falling apart to get help.
When things get intense, I don't scare easily.
Couples can bring a lot into the room. Anger. Fear. Tears. Defensiveness. Withdrawal. Sometimes one person is desperate to be heard while the other can't take one more word.
I'm comfortable there.
I pay attention to what is happening between you in real time—not just the story each of you has about the other person. I'll help you slow things down enough to understand what's actually happening, stay connected when things get hard, and recognize the older patterns underneath the immediate conflict.
I won't take sides, and I won't ask you to pretend everything is fine.
We'll work with what's actually happening between you.
I am a Level 2 PACT therapist. PACT—the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy—draws on attachment theory, developmental psychology, and neurobiology to understand how couples respond to one another, particularly under stress.
But you don't need to know anything about PACT for it to work.
The important part is that we don't just talk about your relationship. We pay attention to it while you're in the room together.
You might discover that what looks like anger is actually fear. That what looks like withdrawal is protection. That the fight you're having about the dishes isn't really about the dishes.
And rather than simply understanding the pattern, we'll practice doing something different.
Together, we'll work toward:
- Understanding the patterns you get caught in—and why they make sense given your histories
- Seeing your partner more clearly, rather than through the lens of your own defenses and expectations
- Recognizing the ways trust and safety get disrupted between you
- Learning how to stay present and connected when one or both of you are activated
- Repairing relationship injuries and rebuilding trust
- Becoming more honest about sex, intimacy, commitment, resentment, and what you each actually want
- Developing a shared sense of what you're building together
Couples come to me for all kinds of reasons.
You might be:
- Fighting about the same things over and over
- Feeling distant, lonely, or disconnected
- Struggling with sex or intimacy
- Recovering from betrayal or infidelity
- Trying to decide whether to deepen your commitment
- Moving in together, getting married, or considering having children
- Parenting young children and realizing you've lost touch with each other
- Trying to figure out whether your relationship can change
- Coming in for a tune-up because you want more from your relationship
- Simply realizing that the way you've been doing things isn't working anymore
I work with couples of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and gender expressions.
Sometimes there isn't a crisis.
Sometimes couples come in convinced that something is terribly wrong because they're finally saying things out loud that they've been avoiding for years.
Sometimes the relationship isn't ending. It's getting more honest.
You may discover that neither of you really knows that much about intimacy, conflict, or how to stay connected when things get difficult. That's not a failure. Those are skills you can learn.
My job isn't to decide whether you should stay together. My job is to help you get honest enough, connected enough, and grounded enough to make that decision for yourselves.
Let's see what's possible.
You don't need to arrive knowing exactly what's wrong or what you want to do about it. A consultation is a chance for us to talk about what's happening and get a sense of whether working together feels like a good fit.